7 September 2009
Successful Intentions Newsletter
Hi ,
Well, that's it. The GFC is over. Now we can get back to normal!
But what if there is no normal? What if things have changed permanently?
Coping with change is one thing. But making permanent change is entirely different. We human beings tend to prefer the comfort of certainty, and all but the most rabid i-Gens automatically resist change. In fact, we seem to have an inbuilt immunity to change.
How does your immunity to change work? Think of a personal goal you hold right now . Something you dearly wish to achieve in your personal development - a change for the better. For example, "to be a better listener", or "to be more inspiring in my work", or "to write my book", or "to lose weight".
- Now write that goal down on a piece of paper as a commitment, something you say you deeply, fervently, passionately long to do or to be.
- Next to your commitment, make a list of all the things you are doing right now that you know are working against your goal. Go on, be honest! You haven't got time to be a good listener. You can't be inspiring at work because you have to meet deadlines. You're spending too much time researching and not enough time writing your book. You're too stressed to go on a diet!
These are the things you do that keep you from doing what you really want. All you have to do is stop doing them, right? Wrong!
- This where your immune system kicks in. Try to imagine yourself doing the opposite of what you just wrote down. What if you made time to be a good listener? What if you didn't have deadlines? What if you had enough research? What if you were stress-free? If you feel uncomfortable or uneasy imagining this that's because you've uncovered a hidden competing commitment. An opposing goal you hold that is just as strong!
- Write down those competing commitments. It might look like: "I am committed to not looking stupid", or "I am committed to being liked", or "I am committed to being indispensable", or "I am committed to not being bored". This is how you manage your anxiety. It's a natural defensive pattern, and how your immune system keeps you from making the changes you say you want to make.
- Now you can see how your hidden competing commitments automatically lead you to do the things that work against your espoused goal! But stay with that paradox for a little longer, . This change-prevention strategy has actually served to protect you from something. But what?
- There is an underlying big assumption that you're attached to. It might look like, "I assume if I make a big mistake I won't be able to recover from it", or "I assume that if I'm not highly regarded I'll be a failure", or " I assume that if I face the possibility of my helplessness I'll become overwhelmed and may not recover".
Your big assumption may seem more like a true statement to you, more like a belief pattern. But now you've uncovered it you can start to examine it for what it actually is - an assumption. Which may be right or it may be wrong.
So , start by noticing when your big assumption is active to see whether it is genuinely protective, or whether it's getting in the way of your personal goal!
Keep your intentions clear,
Peter Webb
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