9 October 2008
Successful Intentions Newsletter
Hi ,
How you talk can change the way you live. So what are you talking about?
Within every conversation are the seeds of what you really want, and what you will do to keep from getting it!
According to Bob Kegan, Professor of Adult Learning and Professional Development at Harvard University and Co-Director for the Change Leadership Group, there are 5 languages which have the power to either keep you ‘stuck" or to transform your world:
- First is the language of complaint. Sometimes referred to as BMW (Bitching, Moaning, and Whining)! Ask yourself this question, : "What sort of things - if they were to happen more frequently (or less frequently) - would I consider as being more supportive of my ongoing development?" This is your opportunity to take the BMW for a run!
- But this language will keep you locked in to the "same ‘ol same ‘ol". Actually when you lift the bonnet on your BMW you'll find the "engine" that drives what you really want. So now ask yourself : "What commitments or convictions do I hold that are actually implied in my earlier response?" Complete the sentence, "I am committed to..."This is likely to be a declaration of what you truly value, what you stand for.
- The third language is about personal responsibility. Ask yourself: "What am I doing, or not doing, that is keeping my commitment from being more fully realized?" It's now possible to see what you're doing to block yourself from being true to your commitments. But it would be easy to think that all you need to do is remind yourself to stop from doing this. You need the fourth language.
- The fourth language is to declare the obstacle as a competing commitment. Re-phrase what you're doing or not doing in this way: "What this means is that I'm also committed to...". Now that's uncomfortable! But it reveals a pathway. If you're committed to the opposite of what you want, then it means you'll engage in specific behaviour to undermine what you stand for!
- The fifth language is the language of "Big Assumptions". Reflect on it. If you are also committed to what you don't want, what does this say about the underlying assumptions you make about your life? complete the sentence: "I assume that if..." Here are the deepest defences we have to protect ourselves from the world. They were once immensely helpful. But now they give rise to our competing commitments.
Go gently with your "Big Assumptions". Honour them for having protected you in the past. But dispute their validity in the present. This is the beginning of a lifelong dialogue to clear the way for your most noble commitments. It all depends on how you talk - to others, and more importantly, to yourself!
- , register for the December 12, Coaching for Wisdom one-day workshop here. The workshop is a valuable extension of your coaching practice into the field of wisdom and how to enhance wise respones to life's dramas in yourself and others! It will be held at the Sydney campus of the Melbourne Business School, Pyrmont NSW. (This is the last time this program will be offered. The 2009 Advanced Practice Series will instead focus on Wisdom in Decision Making). Send in your registration form now to secure a place, and pay by November 30.
- You can also register here for the inaugural ECI (European Coaching Institute) Australasian Coaching Conference 2008: "The Future of Coaching - Embracing the Opportunities of the 2010's" in Sydney, November 20-22.
Keep your intentions clear,
Peter Webb
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